the resolute urgency of now (laniaaa) wrote,
the resolute urgency of now

very big, very long discussion on why i ship my otp, and why i sometimes hate it.

 This has been a long time coming. There's been so much hate and negativity in this fandom over this particular pairing (oh, you can only guess which pairing it is) and a lot of hate and negativity from these shippers in return. If you hadn't already guessed, I'm talking about Damon and Elena.

This is going to be a long post, and it's going to cover a lot of different things from the show, from Stefan/Elena to individual characters, the writers, Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev irl, and a lot of other things. This is mainly for me, to get down all my thoughts that are always in my head (and now have become far more prominent after 2x18), so please don't feel that I'm trying to attack/abuse anybody/any pairing. I'll be surprised if you read this, I'm not going to lie. But if you want to, click on the cut.

When my thoughts are in my head and I haven't had somewhere to write them down previously, they come out jumbled. This is kind of how this post will go. I'm not even sure where to begin, to be honest. I was going to start with the crux of their relationship, and for what it seems to be centered around. (Or more specifically, who.) We'll go with that, shall we?


Katherine Pierce. The doppelganger before Elena, the vampire that turned Stefan and Damon back in the eighteen hundreds and had their hearts first. I believed mostly all through Season One, and I still do a bit now, that Damon's feelings for Elena centers around the fact that she looks like Katherine. 
Now Katherine had Damon one hundred percent. He loved her, he genuinely did, and she didn't compel him to. When she was apparently sealed in the tomb, he spent over a hundred and fifty years trying to find a way to get her out. He was a devoted man, and incredibly loyal to his cause under the name of love. And you can't say it wasn't love. He did everything he did in relation to loving Katherine, in relation to loving her so much he'd do anything and wait any amount of time to have her. 

Then he met Elena. Now he met her before he knew Katherine wasn't in the tomb, and I will say, I shipped them from Day One. I'm not going to go into that right now, but I'm putting it here for future reference. Now, I believe he couldn't have cared less about Elena, because all though she looked like Katherine, she was anything but. Damon knew that. He tried to kiss her under compulsion to mess with Stefan, to try and cause a rift in the relationship Stefan was building with Elena. He wanted to mess with her, too. I think he found it amusing to try and confuse her. He was using her as leverage to get the book from his father's grave, for God's sakes. 
However, amongst all of that, I think it hurt Damon to see Stefan living the relationship with Elena that Damon wanted with Katherine. As Damon came to know Elena, he came to see she was the opposite to all the hard bits that Katherine was made of. She was compassionate and caring, more receptive to people's feelings than Katherine ever was, and I think it hurt Damon to see the replica of the woman he loved fiercely loving his brother the way he wanted to be loved. I think he ended up starting to long for Elena's affection, the way she cared, as much as he himself seemed to be a carefree, sadistic vampire. I think as well, after she hugged him when they revealed Katherine wasn't in the tomb, that Damon was trying to cope with knowing Katherine never wanted him. I think he coped in the form of Elena. Although he now couldn't have Katherine, he still had Elena, who was the replica of her and who was made of all the softer things Damon had never had. 
There's more I want to add to that, but I don't think it goes here. So from that, I want to move on in a similar vein to Damon as a character. If we look back at 1864 Damon, he was a very loving, and very loyal human being. He was very, very passionate, and he wore a lot of his feelings on his sleeve. Katherine knew all this, and she used it to her amusement, but somewhere I believe she loved that about Damon, because it was something she had missed herself. She'd been on the run without people who loved her, and I think that she wanted that love from Damon, but yet her attraction lay in Stefan.

It was a very messy, fucked up situation that I can't completely try to explain, because it makes my head hurt. Back to Damon, though. I believe that had Damon not of met Katherine, he would have eventually fallen and settled with a young woman, to which he would have married and loved loyally until the day he died. As frivolous as he seemed by being a deserter, all the mischievous smiles that he showed quite often, I believe that all Damon wanted was to be loved, and to love in return, as cheesy as it sounds. He just wanted it with the wrong person who came along at the right time. 

Now, once Damon turned, he became very bitter and cynical. He hated Stefan, and he wanted Katherine - who he thought was dead. He would have given his own life while in transition because he didn't have her. After Stefan helped him turn fully, I think he did the only thing he knew best - love Katherine. He found out she was (supposed to be) in the tomb, and devoted the next 150+ years trying to free her. As time went on, Damon hardened, made cold from the lack of love and compassion in his life. Angry that the woman he loved unconditionally also wanted his brother. Setting that aside, he still loved and wanted Katherine, and as time grew on, I think he fell in love with idea of her. The idea of what they could both have now as vampires. I think he also entertained the romantic notion that he would free her from the tomb and she would love him gratefully and forever, because Damon was a romantic. He is a romantic, beneath the fucked up layers of being a vampire. 
I could mention in here about 1x11, and Georgia, but really all it comes down to is: 
They have fun together. We see some similarities in the two of them.
Elena won't let Damon be hurt, but she is in general a compassionate person. She wouldn't want to see anyone hurt. I do believe there re some extra feelings in it for her, but not what I would call a significantly substantial amount. 
Damon is concerned about Elena and her well being. I think that much is clear. Even when he doesn't have to be he is. (Not to the point where he'd die just yet, but you get my meaning.)
I think they find an even ground. They start to build from that.
So imagine how he felt after Katherine wasn't in the tomb, and the first person to show him any compassion even after he'd killed her friends, and tried to use her as leverage, and all the rest; was the girl who looked just like Katherine, who was dating his younger brother. I don't believe he loved her then, I believe he started to become infatuated with the idea of her, and appreciate the things she did a little more. I think he came to see her more on his level, and when he stepped in for Stefan in 1x19, he wasn't doing it because he loved her, but because it was going to cover their asses - and it was almost as if he was trying to show her that he was capable of being the man as well. Early Season One Damon would have more likely left her at the bottom of the stairs and found it amusing how she looked so panicked. This was more a turning point for me, for both of them and their relationship. This was a key point in their growth. 
Then of course, came the Season finale. Elena was not about to let Damon die, and neither was Stefan. (This is irrelevant, but I would like to point out my obsession with them as my OT3 started about here.) Elena, as much as she is seventeen, was onto Damon's tricks, and warned him about his flirty eye thing. I like that he responded with the flirty eye thing. There was something between them that was an understanding, and that's what the basis of my personal ship stands on. We also see it earlier in Season One where he says 'I wanted it to be real,' in reference to his trip to Georgia with Elena. He's being honest. He did want it to be real. I think he wants something with Elena because she's the only one who's shown him any compassion. (AND SHE LOOKS LIKE KATHERINE. BUT I'LL  DEAL WITH THAT LATER.)
Now. I would like to bring attention to Damon's actions before I start on Season Two. I like to believe I am a well adjusted young woman from a middle to upper-middle class family, who was taught at young age her manners and always to respect her elders, not to take candy from strangers, and never trust anyone without knowing them first - and then continue to not trust them. Therefore, with that, I feel I can say that Damon's actions are not appealing and not in any way shape or form positive. He snaps her brother's neck, he kills ruthlessly, he is dangerous, he is a predator. He is a predator in every sense of the word and I love that Elena is always, always wary around him. If she were not, my loving relationship with her would have to come to an end. Damon is a sociopath (a better behaved one now) but he is. Let's not hide it. If you were to fall for him straight away knowing what he was and what he did then I think I'd have to recommend you to a mental health clinic. 
NOW. BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER AND YOU START HATING ON MY CLUB. I will admit that Ian Somerhalder is a mighty fine, attractive male who I would gladly bang if I had the chance. His sex appeal turns to that of Damon's and it is understandable why people initially find him attractive. I too, find him attractive, and I find Damon attractive physically because of that. However, I don't find Damon's actions attractive in the way that he will let people die without much of a second thought if it benefits him. In saying that, however, I am willing to admit that I can be a very selfish person, and I can understand to a point why Damon does some of the things he does.
I, also, am attracted to Damon's specific 'bad boy' type. I find Stefan appealing somewhat physically, but not in any other way, to me. I love how he is with Elena, but for me, I prefer the danger that comes with Damon. The brutal and lethal way he would protect you if he really loved him. I was on and off with my own bad boy for over two years, and I had one before that who was a strange mix of in the middle. I can see the appeal for both men, but I can see why Elena loves Stefan. 
Now, to move on to Season two, I am very glad Elena did not just forgive Damon for KILLING HER BROTHER, RING OR NOT. But then, Damon went and took an arrow in the back for her, and my walls weakened. I feel for Damon, I feel for his pain of longing for someone who doesn't want you, I do. I don't condone any of his actions, but I want him to be loved, and I think - that if he continued to prove himself as best he could - Elena would come to love him like that. 
My thoughts are as fucked up as this relationship, jfc. AND THERE IS STILL MORE I WISH TO TALK ABOUT. 
2x18. This is the episode that prompted this long ass post. Now. As negative as I sound about all of this, Damon/Elena is my OTP, and nothing I can see in the near future is going to change that, however. 
I  AM NOT OKAY WITH DAMON SAYING HE LOVES ELENA, AND THEN BEING  OKAY WITH EVERYONE SHE CARES ABOUT DYING. I understand he wants her safe, but that doesn't mean at the expense of the people she loves. That's Damon being selfish in his love, but he also believes that in the name of love, that's acceptable. It really isn't. However, I can also see that there's something in Elena that responds to what he says. Something in me responded to it too. There is something very primal about someone willing to do whatever it takes to love you and protect you. The intensity of which Damon delivers his lines, the lengths he will go to and let others go to undoubtedly does make me, as a woman, feel somewhat protected (if not incredibly angry he would let me friends die, jsyk.) 
Can you see why I am torn by my OTP? Even now, Damon asks Stefan if he thinks Katherine is dead, and I still think he cares about her. How could he not, when he spent over one hundred years loving her, the idea of her? I don't think he's in love with her, and I think he would kill her if it came down to it over Elena, however. I still think he has feelings for her. And I get that, I do. I still feel something for someone I was seeing over three years ago. They were a part of my life that was significant, and therefore left their mark. Katherine is like that with Damon. She's a mark in his life he can never erase. 
What I do like about this show is its pace. I know a lot of people just want Damon and Elena to jump together, fall in love and have hot, raunchy sex. (I do like this idea, more so for the sex...) BUT. Elena would be an idiot to just drop Stefan for Damon. I shouldn't have to explain why, but he is a good man. He is decent and loving and he thinks about everyone and is compassionate and caring and so similar to Elena. I love them together, I do. But I also love Elena and Damon. 
There is something between them. They are similar in more ways than I think a lot of people care to think about. He brings out an intensity in her that isn't there with Stefan. 

I don't want Elena and Damon to just jump in to it. I don't even know if there ever will be an, 'it' but from the books, there should be. If it were to happen, I'm glad that the writers are drawing it out and making this a relationship that needs work. The two of them have to work through problems and feelings and issues and that will ultimately be what makes them stronger later on. Where would the excitement be if they got together tomorrow? (EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT MY OT3 MIGHT BECOME SUPER, SUPER CANON, OF COURSE.) And how would you explain it? Elena isn't just going to drop Stefan for no good reason - what would Damon have for her that would make her leave the boyfriend she loves just like that? If he was a unicorn with magical healing powers, maybe. But he isn't. 

There's also the Ian/Nina thing. I think a lot of the appeal between Damon and Elena can also come from the chemistry between the two actors. Whether or not they are dating irl, there is some super hot sizzling chemistry there. NOW. 
SHIPPING REAL PEOPLE. This is going to be quick, because now I am tired and I'm going to try and end here. I came to this fandom from BANDOM meaning, I shipped real people 24/7. I don't see a problem with it. There are limits of course. Don't go bragging about irl to the people, don't hate on previous partners, and keep it sane. No hate. I don't see a problem with shipping Ian/Nina, and I don't see why some people on tumblr are having absolute heart attacks over how much we're invading their privacy by looking at the Coechella pictures. They're famous, it kind of comes with the territory, jfc. As long as you don't go stalking them down I don't see the big issue. 

Tags: tv show: the vampire diaries
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